I Must Be Doing Something Right...

With all of the opposition I have been facing lately, I must be doing something right on this road to a healthier Me. It all started last Thursday at my doctor visit...

Actually, let me start by talking about Wednesday. I am a singer, but I have been away from performing for quite some time. About a month ago a good friend of mine convinced me to get over my fear and to take a gig in a show that he was hosting. I had over a month to prepare, and I had a good team of musicians to back/lift me up. It turned out to be a really great show, and I felt the most comfortable I have ever felt in front of an audience in my life. I caught a glimpse of what the woman I am supposed to be looks like. I Loved Her!!

The great night passes and Thursday rolls around. I was on cloud 9, I felt really optimistic and confident. I had caught a glimpse of the woman I loved (me) the night before, and now I was on my way to hopefully get some good news.

It was just supposed to be a follow-up appointment to a gynecological procedure I had 1 1/2 months prior. Because I go to a clinic, every time I have a Dr.s appt I end up with a different doctor. This (young) Dr. did the follow-up, and as I was getting up from the table, she put her hand on my knee and looked me in the eyes with such pity and says, "You really need to lose weight". She continued, "I mean, if you were to get pregnant, assuming that you are even able to because you probably do not ovulate regularly, you would have a lot of complications, you are every obstetricians nightmare, you are too big." I was too annoyed, but what I should have said was, "Do I look like an idiot"? "Do you think I just woke up this morning in this body"? "So you think that you are telling me something new, you are enlightening me"?? Just that look of "pity", not concern that Dr. gave me, infuriated me. I told her that I am working on it, and that its been slow but that I am getting closer to getting things under control. Needless to say, she didn't believe me, she just kept giving her "Save the Beast" speech. She kept trying to push IUD birth control on me, and just had the look of disgust on her face as she spoke to me. I often leave the Dr's. office feeling humiliated, but its worse when you have been really trying to change, and have made progress, but still are met with disdain and pity. I hate it. The tears began to form and I hurried out of the office. I called a few friends, that helped encourage me and told me to just keep making the changes that I have been working on.

The really ironic part to me is that right before the appt. I was in the waiting room and I saw a cute little girl, and promptly texted my boyfriend that I wanted a baby. Not right then and there, but one day. Having a baby has become a big motivation for me to lose the weight. When the Dr. told me that I probably couldn't even conceive because of my weight (with such a lack of compassion) I was devastated. I must be doing something right!

The week moved on, and my mood had gotten better. I had finally decided to focus on a reasonable goal for the month of November. I was going to walk 1 mile everyday in November, just like Chris from A Deliberate Life did when she first started on her weight loss journey. November 1st came and I was on that treadmill even when my boyfriend was too tired to go with me. I went on the 2nd, I was on a roll. November 3rd...yesterday came around, and I was ready to go again when...

The Loving boyfriend told me to get dressed, and that he was taking me somewhere. It was a "surprise". I got dressed, and we were on the road. 3 1/2 hrs later we were at a concert hall (that on any other day would have taken us 45 mins. max. to get to)waiting for a sax concert. Now, I Love my boyfriend, and I appreciated his spontaneity last night, but "surprise"?? When you tell a girl that you have a surprise for her, a girl that you have been with for 7 yrs... it better be good. I wasn't expecting too much, but I guess I WAS expecting something that I could get excited about. I let my plans for the day go to go with him. When he told me to get dressed I was about to start getting dressed for the gym, and I was planning on coming back and eating lunch, and later make dinner for the family. None of that was accomplished. I was so mad at myself. I really felt like I was going to achieve this walking 1 mile a day goal. I am going to get right back out there today but, I can't help but think, that maybe that was sabotage? Not by him, but just something to through me off track because I am finally starting to get "it" together? Like I said...I must be doing something right.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

James 1:2-4